It’s been two years since I’ve written anything, and quite a lot has happened since then. The biggest being a little addition to our family. Q is the happiest, sweetest, EASIEST baby on the planet. Jake and I are so thankful for her and we just can’t get over how lucky we are that she chose us.
Our path to having a baby wasn’t an easy one. It was full of doubts, fears, frustrations, and confusion. Not many people know, but Jake and I had to wait nearly 2 years for this little bundle to finally join our family. During that time, we watched many people in our lives start their own families. I can still recall dropping to the floor of the living room in our little apartment, sobbing in frustration. We just wanted a little person to love on so badly. As time went by, the intense desire for a child ebbed and we settled into our lives while we waited. After about a year and a half, we decided it was time for me to visit the doctor in case something was seriously wrong.
I had to take a test or two that were not activities that I would have volunteered for and we came to find out that I had some large cysts that were making it difficult for me to become pregnant. We were told I’d need surgery to clear them out, then we would sit down with a fertility specialist and go from there. Well, a couple days before I was to go to the hospital for my surgery, I wasn’t feeling so well and the thought popped into my head, “What if I’m pregnant?!”
I raced home to take a test. Once the test was positive, I was terrified. Now that the baby was finally going to come, I felt completely, utterly and wholly unprepared, unworthy and downright scared. I was afraid of giving birth, I was afraid of everything that comes with pregnancy, I was afraid of what would happen with my job and our income, I was afraid to be in charge of a small life, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to be a good mom, I was afraid for reasons that I couldn’t even articulate.
So I called Jake and told him (with my lower lip trembling), “Jake, I took a test and it’s telling me something I don’t want it to say.” Of course he was over the moon! He was able to talk me down and gently tell me how everything was going to work out and how this was a blessing and everything we’d wanted for years.
After I was supplied with some wonderful anti-nausea pills, life was awesome. Pregnancy wasn’t nearly as terrifying as I thought it would be. Birth? That was another story. Many people have assured me that mine was simply a horror story and that they’re not typically like that. I ended up with a C-Section after a real long labor and my stay at the hospital included some other “fun” adventures. Basically, I’m impressed with what my body can handle, but I’m not chomping at the bit to do it again.
For the first few weeks of our little’s life, Jake and my mom were the ones primarily taking care of her. I’ve never had to recover from any kind of surgery before and this one kicked my trash. It’s insane just how much we take our stomach muscles for granted! I felt weak, frustrated, depressed, angry, and just plain annoyed with my inability to do some of the easiest things. Thank HEAVEN for my sweet husband, he had to reassure me a few times that I just needed to give myself a break and time to heal.
It’s been nearly 5 months since our little angel came into our lives and we are so in love with her. She is constantly making us smile and laugh. We often ask ourselves what we even did before her. I’m so glad that my Father in Heaven sent me one of his precious angels when he did. Although I don’t know exactly why she wasn’t sent when we thought we were ready but caught us off guard a few years later, I’m so glad that she did.
Jake & Bri 